Today’s post comes from the mailbag—a reader question! That’s right, I have readers. And they have questions. Apparently about kid’s birthday gifts:
Dear LBYM:
What’s up with the “no gifts necessary” line that gets dropped in every kid’s birthday party invite? Every time I follow this, I end up being one of the only people that doesn’t bring a gift!
All the kids have way too much stuff so we should put money somewhere else, but how do you not look like an a**hole when you show up to a kid’s party empty-handed?
Sincerely,
Muddled in Madison
Dear Muddled:
Don’t think you’re the only one out there mindful of the impact of kid’s birthday gifts on your finances.
I once went on vacation with a couple of girlfriends and since I was at the resort to relax, one of them took me through her monthly budget and asked me for my take. Bear in mind that this friend and her dermatologist husband do quite well. They have three sons and live in a new house in Palo Alto, California, and while she, in true mom style, walks around wearing a glorified fanny pack, it is made by Prada.
Her budget had a separate line item for birthday gifts. I kid you not. And it wasn’t a small number either. Three kids, 20 students per class, $20 a gift? And then you think, what if I have to bring the siblings? Do they each need to bring a gift? Yeah, maybe birthday gifts deserves its own line. But back to your question, how big should that line be? Or better yet, Grace, give me permission to cut back!
Permission granted.
But first, the wording. If the invite writer was serious, she—does anyone here think it wasn’t a she?—would’ve dropped the “necessary” part. The “necessary” part qualifies the “no gifts”. No gifts necessary … but hey, we’d love ’em if you brought ’em! If you don’t want guests to bring gifts, write “no gifts” or “no gifts, please” or “no gifts, really … if you bring gifts, we’re going to put them in a box by the door and take them to a local charity at the end of the party.”
I once received an invite that said no gifts, but then proceeded to add that if my child were so inclined to disregard the “no gifts” part, here was a list of her daughter’s favorite toys and characters. It’s not health insurance, but it is … confusing.
Seriously, I don’t see how anyone can give you flak for being the only person in a room who can follow directions. If an invite says “no gifts”, don’t bring a gift. If an invite says “no gifts necessary”, don’t bring a gift. If an invite includes a schedule that shows “2:30 p.m.: Junior opening gifts on his inflatable throne” … send your regrets. You do not want your kid hanging out with that kid.
I confess. My kids don’t go to every birthday party they’re invited to. Really? Yup, really. Kinda solves the problem, doesn’t it? Save money and time.
Unapologetically,
LBYM